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This is a call-and-response song; (la femme) is in parenthesis ================================================================

the latest in fashion (the old double breaster)

created with passion (befitting a jester)

illusions of pretense, making your day

(i wouldnít have it any other way)

the heels of a dancer (the soles of a flounder)

recall the romancer (though shorter and rounder)

illusions of pretense, making your day

(i wouldnít have it any other way,

ëcause how can you be a loser when

youíre not invited to the game)

though iím champion till iíve been proven chump

from here where i stand, itís really the same

my spirited phaeton (the old rumble-seater)

can easily take on (the best of the beaters)

illusions of pretense, making your day

(i wouldnít have it any other way...)

(yeah, how can you be a loser when

youíre not invited to the game)

though iím champion till iíve been proven chump

from here where i stand, itís really the same

a jaunt to the ballpark, (a roast in the bleachers)

thereís beef in these hot dogs (among other creatures)

illusions of pretense, making your day

(i wouldnít have it any other way...)

yeah, we really show íem how

(better call the plumber now)

illusions of pretense, making your day

i wouldnít have it any other way...